Hi! I just had to start this thread about my House.
I have had R.A for 15 or 16 years now.
I have a long term partner but we do not live together - he has his own
flat.
I live in a fairly large Victorian Terrace House.
I moved here to do my degree in 1987 as a mature student of 30.
The children were 11 and 10 and the youngest lived in America with his Father.
While I was a student, I shared the house with other students as lodgers during
term time.
I graduated in 1990, the kids left home over the next few years and so now I
live here alone.
I REALLY LOVE MY HOUSE, BUT IT NEEDS SO MUCH ATTENTION.
Over the years the kids stored a lot of their things that they didn't need at my
place, as they moved flats, etc.
So my utility room and big main bedroom are full of their stuff.
The cellar is also full of stuff that belonged to my Great Aunt and Uncle which my
Mum and Gran sent to me when they emigrated to Spain!
Basically, the lounge is decorated and comfortable, looks nice, etc, but the
rest of it needs sorting out.
Structurally, it is sound enough, but the bath with shower over, has some kind of
weird leak that is staining the kitchen ceiling.
Luckily, it is a big kitchen and so the leak is nowhere near the table or cooker, etc.
I sleep in the middle bedroom and the sash cord window won't open and really should
be double glazed. I love fresh air and religiously open all windows that will open
every day, so since the end of last Summer have not been able to air the room
directly.
The Sash window in the Kitchen was "sticking" in the Summer and I managed to
injure my Spine trying to open it while my daughter was over for a chat one afternoon.
(I am having a second M.R.I scan on it on Friday 16th April as I am still on painkillers
for it.)
Because of the R.A and the Spine problems I know that I will not be able to lift stuff
to sort it out regarding what to get rid of and what to keep, etc.
The three kids have offered to help but they are notoriously unreliable.
I have no money to pay for vans to take the stuff to the dump or to do repairs
and I am beginning to feel at my wits end as to how to tackle this place.
Are their any resources available for home owners who are disabled?
Some of the problem is probably Psychological - to the extent that I have never
been able to throw away my shoes that I used to wear before the R.A.
I know that I should be in the very large big Bedroom at the front of the house,
but it used to be my daughters room and I have many memories of her adolescent
temper tantrums echoing from there!
I think my partner needs a good talking to as he could be a lot more help with this too.
Anyone got any advice please?
P.S I have not been able to throw away my clothes that I used to wear before the R.A
either.
So now my current clothes hang on hangers outside the wardrobe!
I know that this is because on an emotional level these clothes and shoes represent the
"Healthy" me prior to the R.A.
Replies welcome.
Fiona

Fiona, have you heard of Catholoic Housing at all? they will gratefully accept any items of furniture for people who don't have much and will come and collect it free?
Also Charity shops have a van collection service.

Dear Fiona,

No-one can tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I have done and how it has affected my life.

Like you, I have had 'Arthur' for over 16 years and I found myself a widow, living in a 3-bedroomed house after the children had flown the nest. It is normally inevitable that the RA progresses slowly and about 6 years ago, I came to the conclusion that I did not want to see the house I loved slowly disintegrating around my ears as my condition worsened.

I had a roof full of other people's belongings. I could not get into the roof, so I invited all the 'owners' of said belongings, to lunch one Sunday with the sole intention of them sorting things out and taking home what they wanted. They had a lovely day reminiscing about the things they kept finding and I had a lovely day with them. They put everything they wanted into their cars and then I asked them to bring everything else down and place into the garage. Result - 1 empty roof space.

I telephoned several charity shops and the 'Mind' charity sent a van and took the lot! Easy peasy.

Then I went looking at bungalows. I found a lovely 2 bedroomed bungalow on the same estate about half a mile away from my house. It needed a lot doing to it to cater for a disabled person, but I lived in my caravan in the garden whilst it was being done (about 2 months). I hasten to say that it was summer, so it was quite pleasant and I was on site to advise (or kick builder's backsides !) I'm not saying you have to move, but you would live more comfortably if you could actually see your rooms properly.

You live totally differently when you are on your own. All those big pans, dishes etc., are obsolete - as well as being unable to pick them up!

So I tackled one room at a time. The first was the kitchen. I put all the things that I had not used for the last 3 years into the garage. Again, I called the children round and invited them to take what they wanted.
Result - 1 tidy kitchen and I could see what was in the cupboards. It was very easy to pack when I did finally move.

Clothes and shoes. Trust me - you probably won't wear these things again. I cleared my wardrobes and drawers and only put back what I had worn within the last 5 years. The rest I put into the numerous charity bags that are put through my door. I did it slowly and over a few weeks, I had a tidy bedroom. I now have a rule that for every piece of clothing that comes into the house, one goes out! Result - tidy wardrobes and drawers and I was wearing almost all the things I had kept. Also, I didn't have to lug the bags to the charity shops. They picked them up!

Think small. 1 room and 1 cupboard at a time. I have to say it is very LIBERATING, even though it is sad to say goodbye to some of your 'possessions'.

Think also - what if your house burnt down (please God it never does) but you would be left with nothing. At least this way you have a chance to start and control the de-cluttering.

Your children all have their own homes now (rented or not) so maybe now is the time they should take responsibility for their own belongings.

As I said, the whole process, while very sad, was also liberating. No-one can take your memories away from you - these possessions are only 'things'. My home now works for me and I am not held back by my husband's or children's belongings. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to be able to plug the hoover in the hall and do the whole bungalow in about 10 minutes! I don't get sidetracked by having to move piles of 'stuff' from one place to another.

You said you could be ruthless with your friends' clearing out. Why not ask one of them to help you? You could get a bottle of wine and make an afternoon of it. Small steps though. Don't think of the whole picture. Don't try to do it all it once. It took me 6 months!

I can't tell you whether you can get help for renovations for your house, but I am sure other people will tell you on here if they know.

I do hope this helps you get things into perspective. I felt exactly like you at one time. The time to do it is when you are feeling relatively well. I would not have been able to do it when I was ill - it would have made me worse. So pick a 'good' day, week, or month and just choose a room and empty a cupboard. Go-on, see what it feels like.

Good luck and warmest wishes, Ann

Oh Ann - I love your post!

We too have a smaller, modern house now. Of course, when we married, it was a huge wrench for both of us to part with our old homes! Steve had almost an acre of garden and we had a rambling place. BUT we couldn't have managed either of them now.

We have de-cluttered everything and I know that there is nothing I can't wear or can't use because they have all gone. It was a HUGE sadness at times, getting rid of the old - especially shoes, handbags and wonderful clothes. but I knew (deep down inside) I'd NEVER squeeze into again.

Like you, I always chuck something out when we buy new so the clutter never builds up!

Having said that, we are all so different, and living my way wouldn't suit everyone. I think it all depends on your own personality!

Love Jeanxxxx

Fiona

I am so sorry you are having to worry about your house and it's contents when you obviously have more important things on your mind - like your health!

I can only suggest that you set a deadline for clearing out your house. Order the skip, tell your children that you are going to have a massive clear out and if they do not come over on the date you have the skip, everything will be thrown or taken away. I am sure they will be with you like a shot on the nominated day wondering what else they can "borrow" from you or wondering where such and such is. You are going to have to be really ruthless. As for manpower, get those children, partner, neighbours involved. Beg if necessary and make it an event maybe laying on food etc. I am sure people will pop out the woodwork. If you try and make it a fun thing rather than a tedious task you may have some success.

I think your local council should be able to take away any electrical equipment for you cookers etc as they are classified as hazardous waste.

I hope your back scan goes well and that you sort something out soon.

Take care

Jackie
xx

It's getting into the "extreme" position that concerns me, top of a mountain!!